RSS

Tag Archives: Divorce

Routine Commitment

Why do we make the decision to walk away from a commitment?  I believe that most of us are not walking away from the commitment, person, job etc., but instead we are walking away from the routine.  Most of the things that we embark upon in our lifetimes will almost always settle down into some sort of routine and, like it or not, commitment to that routine will need to be made for the relationship to survive and then thrive.

Think about how we start our new job.  We come in to the office for a few interviews at different times of the morning or afternoon and, if we nail it and get the job, we are asked to start the following Monday.  That Monday we get up bright and early, get dressed, grab a quick bite and jump into traffic for what will now be our morning commute.  Traffic is not too heavy that morning so we think that “hey, this is no problem.”  We arrive at the office early and then we get the tour of the various departments and job descriptions of the key people.

This is great but what we haven’t yet established is our daily routine.  Everything is fresh and new and everyone is nice and friendly and it is all coordinated to welcome you in to your new work family.  But in just a few weeks you won’t recognize this set up or remember your first day.  Instead you will now be settled into a daily work routine that you may or may not enjoy.  The key is that committing to that routine will probably determine your success or failure in your new work relationship.

Another great example of the routine is when we decide that we are going to go to the gym and get into better shape.  Once again, we come in at an odd hour and inquire about the costs and benefits of membership at this fitness club.  We are greeted pleasantly and given the tour of the facility and when all of those things feel pretty good we commit and join.  Now because we came in during our lunch hour and used most of it joining the gym, we have to start our workout routine some other day in the immediate future.

Now we have a decision to make.  Do we work out before, during or after work?  Do we go everyday or every other day?  Once we decide when we are going to workout we then have to figure out what equipment we are going to use.  If we just go in there and jump on different machines or just grab some free weights, that is going to get real boring really soon.  We need to develop a workout plan and then we need to commit to staying with the program until our goals are achieved.

If we do not commit to the workout schedule and then the routine we will follow, we will probably not achieve our goal and even stop going all together (gym’s bank on you quitting and continuing to pay by the way).  As we all know, there are literally hundreds, if not thousands, of ways for us to lose weight and get into better shape but none of them will work without committing to their routine.  In sports, like the upcoming Olympics for example, we know that without the years of intense training and commitment to a particular discipline, the athletes have no chance to make the team let alone win a medal.

Years ago I had the pleasure of hearing a motivational speech from Bart Connor, the gold medal winning Olympic gymnast, on what it took to become a world-class athlete.  He told us simply that if you wanted to become a world-class gymnast you just had to do two things…work out when you felt like it and work out when you didn’t feel like it.  He said commitment to his routine was paramount to his success and those unwilling to work extremely hard never had a chance to compete at the Olympic level, let alone score a perfect “10” like he did in 1984.

So we know that if we want an arrangement to last we have to get into a routine that we are committed to, right?  Wrong.  We need to let the routine develop and feel good about that routine and then commit to it.  If not, we end up in the bad boyfriend/girlfriend, fiancée/fiancée and husband/wife relationships that we will eventually walk away from.  The things we initially found attractive about the other person get lost and we settle into a less than exciting routine.

Many men who wandered in their marriage (the exception not the rule) have stated that the sex had become routine and had been reduced in frequency (oral is always the first to go) which caused them to find a “girlfriend.”  A girlfriend always wants to fool around.  In fact, to a married wanderer, the only real reason that their immoral relationship exists is for sexual supplementation.  How can the answer to a successful marriage or long-term relationship be fooling around with someone else?  It isn’t but we lack the courage to commit to the routine, or better yet change the routine, so we set about a course of action that will ultimately destroy our relationship, job, workout regimen etc.

I do not pretend to have all of the answers.  The truth is I do not.  But what I do have is a desire to look at where things went wrong and logically conclude what the best course of action should have been.  By taking responsibility for letting the routine go south and realizing that I am accountable, I can build the successful routine for my health, wealth and my love life and possibly live happily ever after.  I hope that you can too!

Advertisements
 
3 Comments

Posted by on July 12, 2012 in Business, Life, Relationships, Sports

 

Tags: , , ,

The Village

When I reflect on my life soon after my birthday each year, I always come away feeling blessed beyond imagination.  I have been to great destinations like the Super Bowl, the Final Four and I have even been to war-torn countries all because of the relationships that I built in my former life as a financial advisor.  I won’t name names here just because this story will lose the point that I want to bring home but most of you will be able to figure out who the players are in this story.

It happened about five years ago as I was looking forward to taking a trip to Paris to witness a basketball game featuring NBA stars vs. France’s National team.  The game was being played to benefit my friend’s grand opening of his hospital in his village in the DRC (Democratic Republic of Congo).  The guaranteed donation from this event was $6,000,000.00 for the hospital but I was certain that the total would be closer to ten million dollars when the event was over.  I was even working on a seven-figure contribution from my own company since they were headquartered in Paris, France.  I had the chance to help a great cause and create greater name recognition for my own company so I was excited.

One day as I was attending an event for the benefit of the Martin Luther King,Jr. monument in DC, I ran into my friend and asked him where I should stay in Paris and a few more logistical questions when he hit me with a bombshell…the event had been canceled.  I couldn’t believe what he was telling me because he was so calm and matter-of-fact about it but it was true.  So of course I questioned him about what happened and he told me simply that France’s greatest basketball player was getting married the week before and would be on his honeymoon and would not be able to play in the game.  Without him France pulled the plug on the event and the guaranteed donation as well.

This unbelievable conversation takes place while we are in the VIP line to take a photo with the Secretary of State and I’m getting animated while he remains calm and cool as a cucumber.  A man standing behind us in line decides to throw in his two cents and, to my surprise, it is a former heavyweight boxing champion of the world.  He jumps in with both feet and can’t believe what he’s hearing.  All that money that wouldn’t go to my friends hospital was just unacceptable to him.

As we gathered more details we found out that the honeymoon was going to be in nearby Italy.  We wondered why this basketball star couldn’t just fly up for the event, dribble a basketball for 5 minutes and then return to his honeymoon.  Turned out he was willing to do it but his fiancée was not.  He begged her but she wouldn’t budge and so without her flexibility or willingness to compromise the charity basketball game was doomed.

By this time, we had all taken our photos with Mr. Secretary and were off in a corner trying to think of something and who joins in the conversation?  The Secretary of State for the US joins in on the barrage of whys and why nots.  I am sitting there just soaking all this in.  I’m friends with a very popular NBA star and we are joined by a former heavyweight champion and the Secretary of State working on this problem like it’s a world peace summit.  I was one of them.  Just a man with an opinion on how to reach an accord with this charity event.  It was awesome.

I was of the opinion that the fiancée, who is a famous actress on a highly rated TV show, was making a huge mistake right on the heels of her marriage.  I told the guys that even though the player was going along with her wishes, he would always resent her for forcing his hand at backing out of a commitment that effected so many people.  My friend took all of our advice and the ultimate reality of his situation in stride and just said he would get the money from some other sources.  Right then and there I told him “now that Paris is off I guess I will see you in the Congo!”  He smiled and gave me a huge hug for my support and the decision was set in stone.

If you are wondering what happened to the marriage, you guessed correctly.  They divorced after being married about three years.  I am not surprised because I knew the seed of “relationship destruction” was planted way back in May of 2007 when a bride-to-be had an awesome opportunity to be a hero in France and the Congo but instead chose to be selfish and, what some might call, a bridezilla.

In July of 2007, I journeyed to the Democratic Republic of Congo to be present when my buddy’s ribbon cutting ceremony for his hospital took place.  It was a crazy trip and I just cannot go into all the details in this post.  Did I mention that a civil war was ceased for a few weeks so that this event could take place?

I caught several planes after departing on Saturday and finally arriving at my hotel on Monday afternoon.  The ceremony took place the following morning and on Thursday I was back in the air headed for the good old US of A.  Only Tuesday and Wednesday were spent with me not being on an airplane…amazing huh?  Seven day trip and 5 of them I spent traveling to and from.

I enjoyed visiting my friend’s childhood village.  He always wanted to be a doctor and that’s why he came to the US.  Then a championship coach spotted him on campus and gave him a dream that could help another one come true; play basketball and make millions so that you can go home a hero and help those in your village in need of medical care.  He did just that and he’s my hero too.

Me and my buddy in the Congo, July 2007

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on June 26, 2012 in Life, Politics, Relationships, Sports

 

Tags: , , ,